I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
