i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
