If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
