my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
