OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
