Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
