I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
