So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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