I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
