So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
