gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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