I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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