I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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