got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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