You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
