there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
