You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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