I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
