just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
