I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
