R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
