Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
