i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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