True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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