counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
