I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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