Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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