Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
