hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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