Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize