I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
