i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
