I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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