I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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