i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize