he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
