During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So apparently I’m into choking now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
