Someone shit on the floor
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
