theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
