he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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