The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
