I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
