look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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