So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
