I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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