Swine flu. Run for my life!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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