She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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