your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
