i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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