just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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