I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
