i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
