Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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