My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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