Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
