Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
