Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
