i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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