I want to have your abortion
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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