So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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