:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
should my penis look like a turkey
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
