I just threw up on my dentist
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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