I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
