So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
