My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
