something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
