fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
