I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have fence marks all over my body
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
