So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
