I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
