so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
