I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my being single is dangerous.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
