My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
