That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
love makes seman taste better
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
