Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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