MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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