We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
