Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
