I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
