So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
