we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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