I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
