My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
