I cannot find my penis.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize