I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
