I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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