saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
