i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
