i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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