3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
