Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
