Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just invented taco cereal.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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