Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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