So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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