i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
