Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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