So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
