I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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