So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
