My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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