a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
