Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
