Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
