This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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