I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize