maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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