That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
