I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
