no, he came in my armpit
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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