Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
