The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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