This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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