these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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