What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
