He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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